Dealing with Emotional Intelligence for better results

Emotional wellness (or emotional well-being) is defined as the ability to successfully handle life’s stresses, adapt to difficult times, and thrive. Emotional well-being is at one end of the spectrum of emotional experience while emotional ill-being is at the other end. So there is no specific cut off point where suddenly we become emotionally well. Rather, when we strive for emotional wellness, we aim to shift ourselves up the spectrum, hopefully to a point where we are thriving, happy, and are flourishing in life. Increasing our emotional wellness is not about stopping or avoiding emotions. Those emotions have a right to exist. Emotional wellness is more about learning to understand our emotions so we can work with them better, regulate emotions, and recover from negative emotions more quickly. That means increasing emotional wellness is entirely possible—we just have to build some key emotional skills. To quote Leo Tolstoy from his The Emperor’s Three Questions, “Remember that there is only one important time and it is Now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future? The most important pursuit is making that person, the one standing at your side, happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life.”. This simple philosophy of life reflects upon all the criticalities to derive the basic response on the simplicity of living.

Emotional intelligence or EI is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and those of the people around you. People with a high degree of emotional intelligence know what they're feeling, what their emotions mean, and how these emotions can affect other people. Psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, two of the leading researchers on the topic, define emotional intelligence as the ability to recognise and understand emotions in oneself and others. This ability also involves using this emotional understanding to make decisions, solve problems, and communicate with others. According to Salovey and Mayer, there are four different levels of emotional intelligence: Perceiving emotions; Reasoning with emotions; Understanding emotions and managing emotions. In the past, emotions and intelligence were often viewed as being in opposition to one another. In recent decades, however, researchers exploring emotion psychology have become increasingly interested in cognition and affect. For leaders, having emotional intelligence is essential for success. After all, who is more likely to succeed – a leader who shouts at his team when he's under stress, or a leader who stays in control, and calmly assesses the situation? According to Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist who helped to popularize emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it: Self-awareness; Self-regulation; Motivation; Empathy and Social skills.

If you're self-aware, you always know how you feel, and you know how your emotions and your actions can affect the people around you. Being self-aware when you're in a leadership position also means having a clear picture of your strengths and weaknesses, and it means behaving with humility. So, what can you do to improve your self-awareness?

Keep a journal – Journals help you improve your self-awareness. If you spend just a few minutes each day writing down your thoughts, this can move you to a higher degree of self-awareness.

Slow down – When you experience anger or other strong emotions, slow down to examine why. Remember, no matter what the situation, you can always choose how you react to it.

Leaders who regulate themselves effectively rarely verbally attack others, make rushed or emotional decisions, stereotype people, or compromise their values. Self-regulation is all about staying in control.

This element of emotional intelligence, according to Goleman, also covers a leader's flexibility and commitment to personal accountability.

Know your values – Do you have a clear idea of where you absolutely will not compromise? Do you know what values are most important to you? Spend some time examining your "code of ethics." If you know what's most important to you, then you probably won't have to think twice when you face a moral or ethical decision – you'll make the right choice.

Hold yourself accountable – If you tend to blame others when something goes wrong, stop. Make a commitment to admit to your mistakes and to face the consequences, whatever they are. You'll probably sleep better at night, and you'll quickly earn the respect of those around you.

Practice being calm – The next time you're in a challenging situation, be very aware of how you act. Do you relieve your stress by shouting at someone else? Practice deep-breathing exercises to calm yourself. Also, try to write down all of the negative things you want to say, and then rip it up and throw it away. Expressing these emotions on paper (and not showing them to anyone!) is better than speaking them aloud to your team. What's more, this helps you challenge your reactions to ensure that they're fair!

Self-motivated leaders work consistently toward their goals, and they have extremely high standards for the quality of their work.

Re-examine why you're doing your job – It's easy to forget what you really love about your career. So, take some time to remember why you wanted this job. If you're unhappy in your role and you're struggling to remember why you wanted it, try the Five Whys technique to find the root of the problem. Starting at the root often helps you look at your situation in a new way.

Every time you face a challenge, or even a failure, try to find at least one good thing about the situation. It might be something small, like a new contact, or something with long-term effects, like an important lesson learned. But there's almost always something positive, if you look for it.

For leaders, having empathy is critical to managing a successful team or organization. Leaders with empathy have the ability to put themselves in someone else's situation. They help develop the people on their team, challenge others who are acting unfairly, give constructive feedback, and listen to those who need it.

If you want to earn the respect and loyalty of your team, then show them you care by being empathic.

Put yourself in someone else's position – It's easy to support your own point of view. After all, it's yours! But take the time to look at situations from other people's perspectives.

Pay attention to body language – Perhaps when you listen to someone, you cross your arms, move your feet back and forth, or bite your lip. This body language tells others how you really feel about a situation, and the message you're giving isn't positive! Learning to read body language can be a real asset in a leadership role, because you'll be better able to determine how someone truly feels. This gives you the opportunity to respond appropriately.

Respond to feelings – You ask your assistant to work late – again. And although he agrees, you can hear the disappointment in his voice. So, respond by addressing his feelings. Tell him you appreciate how willing he is to work extra hours, and that you're just as frustrated about working late. If possible, figure out a way for future late nights to be less of an issue .

Leaders who do well in the social skills element of emotional intelligence are great communicators. They're just as open to hearing bad news as good news, and they're expert at getting their team to support them and be excited about a new mission or project.

Leaders who have good social skills are also good at managing change and resolving conflicts diplomatically. They're rarely satisfied with leaving things as they are, but they don't sit back and make everyone else do the work: they set an example with their own behaviour.

Learn conflict resolution – Leaders must know how to resolve conflicts between their team members, customers, or vendors. Learning conflict resolution skills is vital if you want to succeed.

Improve your communication skills – How well do you communicate? Our communication quiz will help you answer this question, and it will give useful feedback on what you can do to improve.

Learn how to praise others – As a leader, you can inspire the loyalty of your team simply by giving praise when it's earned. Learning how to praise others is a fine art, but well worth the effort.

Motivation is an inner desire that is beneficial to all human life. Without motivation, human life could be almost non-existent. Remaining motivated is beneficial and can help foster relationships. Planning days out to engage with the family will increase satisfaction. Working with your partner can be useful in providing extra motivation. Having a weekly strategy is an ideal and effective way of knowing what is planned.

Empathy is essential when supporting each other. Not being empathetic to your loved one can be detrimental and should be addressed. Empathy is about understanding needs, desires, and appreciation. To foster empathy it would be useful to identify partner needs and examine ways to meet these. We must question whether we understand other’s needs. Are we capable of thinking what they are thinking or acting? We should attempt to not become too self-centred about ‘me’, but actually be all-rounded about ‘us’. Having discussions on how to support one another promotes empathetic needs and desire.

The purpose of emotional intelligence is to understand oneself and others. The more we practise self-awareness and develop strategies to support each other the better opportunity of having effective relationships.

Part of working on your EQ usually means improving listening skills; this is the first step in developing the ability to send clear, credible, and convincing messages to other people. In turn, it will help with setting expectations, giving and receiving feedback, and communicating your intentions with greater clarity.

The more attuned you are to the needs of others, the closer you become to them emotionally. Compassion and sensitivity to other people is a vital foundation for building strong relationships. As well as helping to put others at ease, it builds rapport and helps you act tactfully in ‘delicate’ situations.

Part of establishing close bonds with people is being trustworthy and ethical when working with them; emotional intelligence helps to build this trust and places importance on maintaining high standards of integrity and honesty. Emotionally intelligent people live their values and lead by example.

Emotional intelligence is essential for good interpersonal communication. Some experts believe that this ability is more important in determining life success than IQ alone. Fortunately, there are things that you can do to strengthen your own social and emotional intelligence. Tagore once said, “slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”

The writer is MD and CEO of Community Bank. He can be contacted at masihul1811@gmail.com