News stories on oppression of women very commonly hit the headlines everyday. However, stories of repression of men rarely become news although our society is patriarchal. Considering number of cases and the present circumstances, it may be said that psychophysical torture of husbands in their homes are increasing day by day.
Forty-year-old Sumaiya (not real name) and her fifty-year-old husband Faisal (not real name) got married for almost 21 years. They are supposed to live a happy life with two of their children but family feud has frayed the fabric of their family. As Sumaiya is doing a job, she has been at home for the last six months due to lockdown over coronavirus. In consequence, Sumaiya’s relationship with her counterpart has severely strained. Faisal complained that he has been oppressed by Sumaiya in many ways since they tied the knot. Family feud is triggered when Faisal does not abide by his wife’s diktats. Sumaiya runs havoc over trivial issues and does not bother to assault Faisal physically when she fails to calm down her. She does not hesitate to punch and slap Faisal. Although Faisal tries to avoid such unwanted incidents in front of his children, Sumaiya pays no heed to it. Moreover, Sumaiya seeks divorce from Faisal when anyone from the family approaches her to talk about the frail relations. However, Faisal seems committed to spend the rest of his life with Sumaiya in spite of such hardships as he has been able to pass so many years by now. Having talked to Faisal and Sumaiya, it seems that their marriage narrowly escaped collapse on many occasions due to Faisal’s love, commitment for the family. Even family members of Sumaiya have said that the relationship of Faisal and Sumaiya still sustains owing to the extreme patience of Faisal.
Thirty-five-year old Akram (not real name) and Mithila aged 32 is another quarrelling couple. Akram works as an engineer in a private organization while Mithila is a housewife. Akram being peace-loving and introvert always tries to avoid chaos. Mithila does not want to do any household chores in her family of three members including a child. For this reason, Mithila has recruited more than one highly-paid domestic helps. Akram has no objection to these issues. Although it is difficult for him to enjoy the dishes cooked by housemaids, he does not say anything about it to his wife. Akram has been fulfilling every wish of his wife since his marriage. His wife turns violent if things go wrong anyway. In order to keep his wife happy, Akram seldom visits his parents’ family. He celebrates festivals like Eid in his in-law’s house. Akram accepts everything although these incidents render him unhappy. The aforesaid incidents depict mental torture on Akram but there remain stories of physical assaults. Mithila scratches Akram grievously when he dissents on any issue. Besides, she throws anything nearby at Akram. Akram is finding it hard to keep Mithila happy as she turns frantic over trivial issues. However, this engineer wants to remain happy ever after in spite of so many ups and downs.
The aforementioned facts are not only applicable for Akram or Faisal couples in the present context of our society. Thousands of males are bearing the brunt of psychophysical torture silently for the sake of their status in the society. Considering their child/children most of the males are tolerating torture, repression and threats from their wives.
Founder and Chairman of Men’s Rights Foundation Sheikh Khairul Alam said that they have floated the forum for providing varities of advices and legal assistance towards oppressed males.
He said that there are many organizations for the repressed women but none exists for the men. Claiming himself as a victim of repression, he said that the human right organizations do not stand beside the oppressed males as he has founded this organization to stand beside them.
It has been learnt that this organization has given memorandum to the President and the Prime Minister for drafting legislation in the Parliament against torture on males. They are also campaigning in favour of the proposed legislation.
Besides, demands for enacting law to stop repression on husbands are being placed from different quarters.
Some male victims of repressive wives said that they can not take recourse to law as there is no such facility to shoot their troubles. Most of them are unable to come out of this unhealthy relationship due to the imposition of a very high amount of dower by the family of the bride at the time of the marriage. Besides, many of them are tolerating repressions silently for the sake of their social status, future of their children, possibility of any physical harm and any legal action in the court or police station. If anyone protests a bit, he is being threatened of being victimized in a false case.
Repression of males: a new dimension of the changed society
Our society is changing. So does the types of repressions. Repression of males seems to be a new dimension of the change society. Dhaka University Social Science teacher Ishrat Jahan Aimun said that women are much more self-sufficient than before. Education and economic freedom are moulding up their conducts. For this reason, women are protesting at the repression and even oppressing their counterparts on occasions.
Blaming the social media for the infliction of repression on males, she said that we generally publicize positive things on social media. Accordingly, when any female uploads photos of her hanging out, eating here and there on facebook, her female friends put pressure on their husbands making some demands. When those demands are not fulfilled by husbands, the mercury of conflict in their conjugal life jacks up. These factors are putting huge financial and mental pressure on males.
This social scientist also blamed the adverse effects of satellite and foreign drama serials which air culture alien to us in this regard. She said that those TV serials excessively highlight family unrest where women are being shown in a very well-groomed and adorned state. Besides, those serials also convey messages which do not go in line with our culture but our women got very much affected and cherish dreams to live their lives in the way shown in the serials thereby launching offensive on males.
Besides, bonding of love is very much weaker than before as far as different relationships are concerned. Due to many reasons like degradation of our social norms and moral values a boy or girl is able to involve in a number of relationships using the social media from which different problems like unrest in the family arises which may lead to divorce at a later date.
How difficult is it to render legal assistance towards males
Although there are five tribunals to try repression on women and children but there is no specific legislation to scotch oppression on men. In these circumstances, whether it is difficult for the men to have recourse to the law, human rights lawyer Ishrat Hasan said that men are falling victims to physical and mental repressions alongside women. Although there is no specific legislation in favour of men but there is a redress. According to the Penal Code of 1860, a husband may file a criminal case against his wife on charge of physical assault thereby subjecting his wife to face punishment. The husband has to file a case with the local police station. If the police station denies to file a case, he has to file the same with the court.
Besides, the Act of 2018 concerning dowry also provides provision for filing case/s against the wife for demanding unreasonable amounts of dower and there is penal provision for the wife as well.
There is provision of seven-year imprisonment for filing a false case. Therefore, a wife may face the penalty if it is proved that she has filed a false case. In Bangladesh, there have been instances of such incidents.
This lawyer said that as women are physically weaker and unable to protest in many cases there is special law for them. However, many males are coming to us for legal assistance who have fallen victim of physical and mental repression. We are also rendering them appropriate legal assistance.
Ishrat Hasan also said that she has received a number of such complaints and most of the complainants belong to the middle class of the society.
Sense of possessiveness of women in the relationship is the psychological reason behind the hike in repression:
While replying to a query over the psychological explanation behind the repression of men, Psychologist Mahbubur Rahman said, amongst the psychological reasons first comes the mentality of a woman to control and invoke her rights excessively followed by the inability to control temper, suffering from inferiority complex and wrong action taken in an attempt to come out of it.
In some cases, there remain some mental ailments like problems in personality, doubt over inter relationship between the two and some traditionally inherited wrong conceptions. For example: keeping the husband in control. Besides, females, who had been brought up in domestic violence do possess a negative instinct, may end up inflicting torture on males or vice versa. Other factors include lack of communication skill, introverted nature, dependency on others while being brought up, possessing negative mindset about oneself and the social framework wherein one accepts faulty relationships for the sake of his manhood and become shameful thereby not able to speak up against.
According to this psychologist, very few persons speak up against such problems. Those who come are mainly afraid of being manhandled by the society. In consequence, he will not be able to meet his friends and his counterpart may become more revengeful if gets aware of the same. Males feel extremely helpless in front of such repression and end up being addicted to smoking and other drugs.
Besides, those males have adverse effects on their workplaces as well, failing to work properly or professionally. Many physical and mental disorders develop in the person like getting worried, self-blaming, remain immersed in fear and frustration, suicidal propensity, getting pessimistic, developing hypertension and heart disease. Moreover, they become helpless and lonely.
Psychologists provide a number of advice so that one can get out of such difficulties. Those, who have been in such troubles, must come out of the social taboos. One has to be aware of himself and about the relationship. Everyone has the right to live with freedom. They have to seek justice before those organizations working with domestic violence and render assistance to men by furnishing appropriate evidence.
Although our legal system is sympathetic towards women but in case of repression men must seek justice by furnishing appropriate evidence to get it. This is because it is the gender issue not where the complainant is a male or female. The males should focus on improving their relationship or getting out of it instead of becoming revengeful. If necessary, they should recourse to counselling. As a result, he will be able to take the right decision by settling disputes.
We should try to change our mentality by altering the ideologies adhering to which we grow up. Experts opine that dual counselling and family counselling are very much effective in these types of problems.
aa/wi
