Nice people also finish first

You see it more and more–people at all levels cursing in professional settings to demonstrate their “authenticity.” Speaking as someone who has been known to use some colorful language, I can tell you the four-letter word that gets the most eye-rolls in the workplace is … “Love.” Surprised? “Kind” is a close runner-up.

Be kind to yourself. As I discuss in the “kindness” episode of Low Man on the Totem Pole, the podcast I co-host with Kaytee MacDonald, nothing breeds an unkind person like someone who can’t be gentle with themselves. There’s a misconception out there that the harder we are on ourselves, the more we’ll achieve. But I’ve seen something different during my years of coaching others and mediating conflict: If you’re an asshole to yourself, you’re probably an asshole to those around you. (Look at me being authentic.)

Send a thank-you note. My co-host Kaytee swears by the old-school hand-written note. Even in today’s world of lightning-quick communications–or maybe because of it–a sincere note of gratitude, written on an actual piece of paper, can demonstrate how valued someone is to you. And writing one for no other reason than to say “thank you,” and not because you need something from them, can be a powerful moment.

Lead with gratitude. Make it a priority to express gratitude. A lot. Try doing it as frequently as you request help or give feedback. It’s a powerful move to have a “gratitude conversation,” where the only objective is to humbly express your thanks. Now, don’t confuse this conversation with garden-variety positive feedback. You’re not saying, “You did a good job.” You’re saying, “I’m grateful you did this.” Such talk is extremely powerful and can have long-lasting effects on someone’s trust and motivation.

Deal with issues early, often, and openly. By directly tackling issues that are bothering you, you keep them from feeding a passive-aggressive dynamic. Having to guess why a coworker is “ghosting” them is one of the most stressful things we can deal with in the workplace. Be direct. Be kind. Get to the point. Solve the issue. Move on.

Be a positive gossiper. While it might sound radical, try spreading good stuff about your co-workers. Too often people bond in the workplace over a mutual dislike for another person. Instead, try coming together over a mutual “like” of another person. You’ll spread good vibes all around–to the person you’re speaking of, the person you’re speaking to, and to yourself.

Don’t announce every error. If someone’s mistake provides a nice opportunity to teach them something new, then go ahead and bring it up. But if it’s just human error or a minor detail, let it go. Who are you helping by needling people every time they do something wrong? But what, you ask, if that person has been needling you? If that’s the case, I’d refer you to Tip No. 1 , because they are probably in need of a kindness bomb about now and have no idea how to ask. In the end, you want people to feel that it’s safe to work with you. Calling people out on the small stuff will do the opposite.

Give kind eye contact. This is so simple and so under-utilized. Now, I’m not being creepy here. This isn’t about weird staring or gawking–just some direct eye contact that says the other person matters and you wish them well. You can easily send the message of kindness with a small smile or some other positive expression. Do this with the person who’s presenting and maybe struggling to keep the room’s attention. Do this with the person walking down the hall. Treat all people as if they matter, regardless of position, and you will get that back ten-fold.

To ensure your displays of kindness come across authentically and not as a desperate ploy to get something in return, you need to make them a normal way of doing business. Period. This ensures that even during the toughest, most stressful times, your actions will reflect kindness and love rather than fear and self-preservation. Make kindness part of your routine. Don’t just dole it out when it feels safe or advantageous to do.

Forbes