The art of listening

Listening is the single most crucial skill in communicating and building your business. Listening increases productivity, boosts confidence and reduces errors. Listening can have numerous benefits, including making you popular, building your personal brand and expanding your relationship network. 

So, why is listening in danger of extinction? According to Seth Horowitz, an auditory neuroscientist from Brown University, “Listening is a skill we’re in danger of losing in a world of digital distractions and information overload.” In fact, researchers (registration required) estimate that we only remember 25–50 per cent of what we hear. Successful people hone this important life skill.

Stop hearing, start listening

Hearing is different from listening. Hearing is when you are only partially interacting in the conversation because you already have an agenda in mind and are waiting for the chance to go into “sales mode.” Active listening makes you influential because you are leaning into the person and trying to understand, build trust and empathize before developing solutions and recommendations.

To actively listen you have to shut out distractions — put your cell phone on mute, tune out the noise, tune in to the person and focus on their story. This applies to your personal life, as well as your work. Try these tips to engage successfully:

Make eye contact

You’re at a business event talking to someone and glance away when you notice someone else you want to speak to. You’ve broken a cardinal rule because, in that instant, you’ve not only made the person you’re speaking to feel unimportant, you’ve also made a negative impression that will be difficult to overcome. Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink is based on the idea impressions are made in a blink of an eye. If someone is talking to you and you’re looking over their shoulder, you’ve just made a poor impression.

Take time to connect

When a conversation starts, it takes time to find common ground and bond with the other person. For me, if I actively listen to someone I have just met for a full five minutes, that is typically enough time to learn and perhaps establish a connection. Some may want longer or shorter depending on your personality, but either way, you have to get past the pleasantries to get to know that person.

Reflect what you hear

Mirroring (repeating back) or paraphrasing what you hear can ensure that you have listened correctly and gives the other person an opportunity to clear up any confusion. People want to feel like they are heard and understood. 

Ask questions

You don’t have to be the most intelligent, funny or even charismatic person in the room. The smartest person in the room is the one who asks great questions and then listens to the response with rapt attention. The person who listens always gets invited back.

When we listen, we connect the dots between people. One of the most fulfilling parts of my job is bringing people together. That only comes when you’re listening and asking insightful questions.  

Conduct surveys

Surveys are another way to listen to employees and customers. Surveys can be a predictor of behavior, help an employee feel heard and be a vehicle for changing behavior. At my company, we are strategic about polling our members and group leaders to make sure we are providing the right tools for everyone to be successful. What works in Los Angeles may not be appropriate in Texas, so we look not only at national trends but also regional preferences so we can customize programs and resources for each group.

Forbes