Home ›› 27 Dec 2022 ›› Opinion
Just a few days back I along with my wife went to invite some of her relatives on a family occasion. Not that I didn’t go to the house of those of her relatives. On a few occasions I visited the house. I was distantly related with them. As we arrived we were given warm welcome. Only the mistress and her youngest son live in that house.
It was a two-storey building with spacious and well-ventilated rooms on the sprawling outskirts of Narayanganj. Between teas and evening snacks I went to the rooftop of the house where I found an artificial pond much to my surprise. A pond and that too is on a rooftop! As the darkness had already descended upon the house I could only manage to hear the rhythmic sound of movement of fish in the rippling water. Mizan (not real name), the youngest son of the mistress, told me that very soon they would illuminate the rooftop with some other arrangements to sit and rest there during leisure.
It sounded amazing as very few people think about such arrangement to content their hearts and pass some leisurely times on the rooftop. People nowadays usually go on building floors after floors as an artificial pond never brings them money. If there are more floors you can count more money. After all we need money to lead a happy-go-lucky life.
From their house we went to their other family members living nearby. Everybody accepted our invitation very gladly. But little did I know about the problem I was going to face. It was Mizan who told me that his elder brother living in Dhaka for his business purpose might not attend the programme. I wasn’t astonished at all as it may happen and it is very usual. Someone may not entertain our invitation in our everyday hectic life. And I am not out of those men either.
But what he later blurted out sounded like a bombshell. He said business was not the reason. It was Mizan’s elder brother’s wife who never talks to outsiders and meets them except eight close males of her relatives. That was the reason they might not come. I am not categorically saying who those eight close relatives are because it may make my write-up unnecessarily lengthy. Mizan told me that he himself had not seen her Bhabi (wife of his elder brother) since his elder brother got married to her. When her Bhabi is around he has to confine himself to a room to avert sudden face-to-face encounter with her. Mizan’s life is made difficult when she comes to the house for a visit for a few days. Now I was completely dumfounded by what I had heard.
But what mortified me was when my wife told me that the woman in question cried her heart out when she first saw me. No, I didn’t do anything or at least I didn’t resemble a wild animal or I didn’t have a zombie like face for which she had to cry out of fear. I didn’t have even the dimmest idea what I had done to her. Being an easy-going and friendly type I always strike up a conversation with unknown people.
For the first time when I went to that house I just kept talking and looking and moving around. As I was exchanging greeting I entered a room and saw a woman. I naturally greeted her too. The woman was in headscarves so far I can remember. I can now vaguely recall that she just turned around and vanished in the wink of an eye without answering my greeting. I didn’t give it a much thought taking it for granted that the woman was busy and couldn’t notice what I was saying amid clamor of other family members, especially children. The encounter with the woman happened as my entry was as quick as a rabbit.
Obviously, I understand, what she is doing is her religious belief. I am not going to talk about what religion says about the dress code of women. My only concern is out of the realm of religion. It is about the real life. I was thinking of not inviting them or if we did so it would be a kind of formality. But my wife was hard nut to crack. She was hell-bent on their attending the programme. She told Mizan’s Bhabi over telephone that she would face nothing she was scared of. She assured him of confining all male members including me to a room to make sure her smooth movement. Moreover, she told her that she (Mizan’s bhabi) would be provided with a room dedicatedly. No one will go to her room.
Now, dear readers, think about my ordeal. I thought I would have to be a foreigner in my own country at least for a day if they arrived. After all those assurances, consolations and guarantees she agreed to pay a visit to our house. The countdown began. She finally came and I was literally imprisoned in my room. Fortunately Mizan was with me as a savor to give some comforts to me during my solitary confinement in my study room. We talked about a lot of things ranging from politics to family affairs to women empowerment.
I shared my views with him, a college student, and he too was friendly enough to share his. He told me that his life literally turned into a veritable hell when her Bhabi paid a visit to their house. To make sure any unwanted face-to-face encounter they have to hang a curtain between his room and the rest of other rooms and kitchen. If her mother is absent for one reason or another for one or two hours and it is time for lunch or dinner he even cannot ask for it as his voice is also unwarranted. He keeps waiting for the meal and it is pushed under the curtain. After eating he also pushed it back under the curtain.
As we talked about many things one question came into my mind times and again – what would happen to her if any kind of bitter and unexpected circumstances arose in her life (God forbids)? If she has to work herself for her survival can she work with males? No, she can’t because her self-imposed religious rules and modes of life will restrict her from doing any kind of job. Again I was wondering if the number of such women continued to rise how they would survive without joining a job or doing something to earn money for themselves to make their ends meet. I didn’t find any answer to this question.
This is the one side of the coin. The other side is the women empowerment which is related to the country’s overall economic development. They cannot in any way contribute to the country’s economic development. We can’t think of a nation improving and progressing without the female workforce that constitutes half the population of our country. If half of the population is confined to houses it is even impossible to imagine a country marching forward.
Iranian women have now come to their senses after 42 years of slave-like life where they have even not been able to let their hairs blow in the wind. They are coming on to the streets in hundreds with the slogan ‘women, life and liberty’ to break the chain of male domination. They have realized that they must have their freedom of choice and voice. And without freedom and keeping women within the four walls of houses a nation can never be able to ensure women empowerment.
The writer is a journalist.
He can be contacted at maksud.i.rahaman@gmail.com
